Short Funny Quotes

Drink beer Save water .

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

Love is a battlefield.

If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life.
- Tommy Lasorda

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

I’ve got problem for your solution.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein

Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk.

Half of the people in the world are below average .

I don’t pray because I don’t want to bore God.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.
Short Funny Quote by Homer J. Simpson

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
- Steven Wright